Monday, July 30, 2012

Distractions Can Be Therapeutic

I sat down the other day and wrote myself a plan. School is coming to a close in three days and I'm going to be left with a LOT of time on my hands.

As I said in an earlier post, I'm going to re-launch my channel. I'm not going to have a lot of help besides my boyfriend so I'm looking at doing a bulk of the work by myself. In between working and writing my script, I'm going to produce one video a week. I'm thinking of doing it ever Thursday.

I want to be an actress and a writer and in my mind, I already am. I have to convince everyone else that I can do it. I decided that no one is going to discover me on accident. I have to get out there and make myself known, right? Maybe that's a lot harder than I think it is, but I'm going to try. 

I'd rather try and fail than not try at all. That would just be a tragedy. I've been under a lot of stress about college and how I don't get to go. I really wanted to go and I felt ready. Every time I think I'm ok with not going, I get in that mood where I just want to cry. I don't think anyone wanted to leave more than I did...I just didn't get to. 

You're probably wondering how long I'm going to whine about this. Well, probably for the rest of the year. That's right, I have to wait a full twelve months before I can set foot on a college campus. I can't even apply for two more months. What am I supposed to do? I can keep crying, or I can find something to do to pass the time.

I can go back to YouTube. I miss it. I miss the attention and the fun of it all. I miss running around my neighborhood and the park with a camera and having people stare at me like I'm crazy. I miss meeting people for the first time and having them say, "I've seen your videos." Maybe a constructive will numb the pain I feel inside for being a huge failure. 

I didn't mean for this post to get so dark. I came here to talk about my videos and all the cool things I want to do. I wasn't trying to kill anyone's good mood. I'll be back tomorrow with nicer things to say. In the meantime, whatever.

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