Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The Truth

This is my first post 2013. And who knows, it might be my last. Why? I don't fucking know. Maybe because I'm not good at overcoming my procrastination. Maybe because I'm self-conscious about my thoughts and I don't want to share them. Maybe because no one really cares anyway so why bother? Or Maybe it's because being honest is too hard.

That's it. Being honest is too hard. The truth is, I'm really great at overcoming procrastination...most of the time. I'm not really all that self-conscious about my thoughts either. If I was, I wouldn't fucking be on the internet. People do care about me. No, not everyone I meet but enough. But honesty fucking sucks. 

It's like those times at work when I'm in charge of the fitting rooms. A lady will come out in one of our new outfits she saw in the window. She'll slowly walk over to me, looking me in the eye, and ask in a tiny voice, "What do you think of this?"

That's when I freeze up because what I say will determine how she feels about herself. I can't lie and say she looks good if she doesn't. Most of the time I can avoid the question by replying with another question. "How does it feel?"

That's because 75% of what you wear depends on how it feels. High heels are pretty sexy but they're a bitch to wear. Thongs are sexy but they fucking stick up your ass worse than a dick. If I can get her to admit it doesn't feel, I let her know it doesn't look good either and vice versa. 

Honesty in blogs is hard because there's too much to be honest about. I could go on for days about how broke I am or how my channel is doing or how much I wish I was doing more with my life and it would be great. People like to read success stories because it gives them hope, but people also like to read true stories of despair so they don't feel alone. It's easy to feel like you're alone in a situation when everyone around you is smiling and having a great fucking time.

I was supposed to write every day. I told myself I would because I want to be a great writer someday. To me, a great writer equals someone that people want to read and pay. That's one of my goals. It's a good goal. Is it better than selling the most crack? No, but it's legal and I don't want to kill people with crack.

Anyway, I'm going to go now so I can work on my screenplay. It's really hard to work on it because my ideas are running dry. I don't want it to be cliche but it will probably end up cliche.


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