Chronicles of the Dead - First Draft Issues

I wrote the first draft of the first episode of Chronicles of the Dead's season two. It wasn't complete crap. I was able to cram in every single thing I needed or wanted, but as John pointed out, the dialogue is off.

Characters rarely say exactly what they're feeling because real people don't either. I can't even count the number of times I had a thought and kept it to myself. But why? What keeps us from saying what we really feel? I can only think of two reasons.

1.) Telling the truth could mean hurting someone. Then you have to deal with having that on your conscience. People don't like to feel guilty or cause pain, so it's easier to say nothing.

2.) Once something is said, it can't be un-said. There are no take-backs. Plus, speaking the truth will force everyone to acknowledge whatever it is. Ignorance is bliss.

So I have fix the conversation Vanessa and Omar have. 

The only reason Vanessa was with Omar was because she wanted to hurt Winston back for all the times he cheated. It worked. She hurt him, but she hurt herself too. She doesn't share the same feelings that Omar has and she's responsible for leading him on. Thinking about what she did makes her sick and she wants to end things.

In the meantime, Omar is in love. He thinks that he can be the man Winston wasn't. And although he probably could, Vanessa won't let him. He feels used and it hurts him more than he'll admit.

In this episode, the world is falling apart because we open with a death. The characters are guilty and feel responsible for each other's pain. Winston is forced to choose between living under Roman's protection or death. Vanessa is shown a world she didn't know existed and Omar is forcibly dragged to the dark side but later realizes he likes the dark. 

The characters have to change and grow and develop. They are my clay. I must mold them.