I Struggle to Write

Have you ever watched a mystery movie? You get pulled in right from the start and before you know it, you're trying to piece together all the clues to figure which character committed the horrible act. 

I feel like my novel is swimming around my head like that. It's a big mass of confusion. All the clues are telling me where to go, if only I could get there. I have everything I need, I just need to organize it in a way that would make sense to a reader. 

I've read plenty of books that ended in ways that made me want to curl up and die. How did those people get published? I used to whine to myself about it. There's obvious weak parts and everyone can see them but somehow they go on to be best-sellers and blockbuster hits! 

This is the part where I stop and realize I'm jealous, and why wouldn't I be? I'm perfectly capable of putting a story together just like those other people, but I just have to do it. I get my motivations from one scene in Limitless. Bradley Cooper has just taken the drug and after cleaning his apartment, he sits down and writes his novel. The. Entire. Novel. All in one sitting. That scene blew my mind.

I don't want to take drugs. I've learned from my dad how bad they are, but I do want to be able to get out of my way and tell myself to shut up and do what needs to be done. I would love that.

So I'm going to work on it now. Yes. At 2am, I am going to go write and see how long I can go. I'm going to work until I can't work anymore. Fuck sleeping. I'll sleep when I die.