Sunday, August 5, 2012


You know those warning labels the government made companies put on everything?

"May cause this...may cause that."


"Read before opening..."

I think people should come with those labels too. My parents for example. Even though they are great people who gave me life and a place to live, I've beginning to feel like I need to go. The sad part is, I'm trapped here.

And there's my warning label. I come with baggage. I come with repetitive complaints about things I have little control over. I get sad a lot. I cry. I can't help it because it started when I was twelve. One day, my friend Kent came over. He was ten. We played with my Barbies. We always played with them but this time something was different. We put everything away and he went home. I got sad and I couldn't explain why. I didn't want to touch the Barbies anymore because I thought he'd get erased. It would be like he was never there. He was going to move soon and I was scared.

It's because everyone leaves. No matter how much you care about someone, they always leave in the end and you'll be by yourself. There's an episode of Buffy where one of the villains points out the fact that everyone Buffy ever loved has died. This made her cry. It made me cry too. It's the same for everyone but I take it to a dark place because I've done that since I was twelve.

Once in a while after that, I'd get sad for no reason. Sometimes there IS a reason and at those times I'm lucky because I can recognize that. I guess I was sad because I knew I would always be. 

"Caution: Subject doesn't smile for real..."

I don't expect you to understand. I don't expect anyone to understand because I don't understand it. I've been trying since I was twelve to "get" it and I just don't.


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