Monday, August 6, 2012

This Is What They Mean When They Said, "Fake It 'Till You Make It!"


It seems so elusive but maybe it's not. Maybe it's really close and I'm too busy absorbed by my "depression" to really take advantage of it.


Here's what I'll do. I'll pretend I'm happy and maybe I'll become happy through default. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

So, I was on YouTube earlier and I realized something I hadn't noticed before. I'm a Partner. How did I not know this? The short answer is I'm stupid. The long answer? I applied a few years back and YouTube said I wasn't quite ready to be a part of their program. Fast forward to today and I'm just realizing that I'm a Partner. Yeah...I'm slow.

They've given me a lot to work with. I can monetize videos and really put myself out there. It depends on how far I want to go and how much effort I want to put in. I keep saying that. I repeat myself a LOT, but it's only because repetition works. You only have to do something seven times for it to become a habit. I want to make entertainment my habit, my career, my future. I tried to escape it many times and I've come to accept the fact that I MUST do this.

I'm trying to enjoy the journey but it's hard when there's a bunch of pot holes and dead ends. You can't enjoy the journey if you're not sure where you're going, can you? 

I was really hoping that I would have something enlightening or intelligent to say but I don't. It's just the same old crap I always give you and I hope you suck it down with a tall glass of "oh well, she tried." I really am trying...even if it doesn't look like it.

I'm in the process of getting my sh*t together and it's not glamorous at all. Perhaps I should sleep on it and try again tomorrow. After all, it is 3am...


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