Thursday, August 15, 2013

When You Don't Have A "Plan B"

A leap of faith
I did it. After all this time. All the waiting and hoping and praying. All the times I failed math and re-took it. All the times I cried and envied other people. I finally moved out of my parent's house to pursue my bachelor's degree in theatre. Finally.

But why do I feel so weird? It's not culture shock because LA has the same shit that Banning and Beaumont had...but there's some other nagging feeling. I walked to the 99 cent store with John looking for hot chocolate when I realized what's been bothering me the last 14 days:

I don't have a "Plan B."

But that's okay, right? Having a backup plan is for pussies, right? If you're going to do something, do it! Like Dr. Frank-N-Furter says, "Don't dream it. Be it."

But those things are easier said than done. I'm a 100 miles away from home, tens of thousands of dollars in debt and I'm hanging by a thread. Or at least, that's how it feels. 

I'm here to learn and create. I'm here to start a REAL career as a writer and actress. I want to do internships and meet as many people as I can so we can help each other achieve our goals. 

I know I'll make it if I just keep believing and working hard like I've been doing. That's how I got to where I am now. I kept working and I didn't give up no matter how bleak everything seemed.

I think another reason I feel weird about it is because it didn't come at a time where I was desperate for it. It came when the time was right. I was watching How to Lose Friends and Alienate People with John last night and a conversation Simon Pegg's character has with Megan Fox's struck me:

Sydney Young: What's it like to be famous?

Sophie Maes: Weird. It's happening so fast. It's like it has nothing to do with me. It's like I'm not even here.

It just struck me. As if...I was always going to transfer and move away from home whether I wanted to or not. Because I wanted it to happen, it did. 

I don't know, that's probably just my weirdo brain being weirdo. Whatever.

The point is, I'm here now. And in the famous words of RuPaul, "Don't fuck it up!"

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